Ponderings and Actions
by tinybee
Summary: Slash people! Michael is at Max's and thinks about his feeling for his best friend. Set during Season one and is AU. Two shot. POV from Michael in first part and then from Max's POV in the second part. Don't read if you don't like slash.
1. Ponderings and Actions Part One Michael

**I do not own Roswell or any of the characters. No matter how much I wish to...**

**I should really be continuing the chapters on my story that I _should _be writing about now but I had this stuck in my head. I hope you enjoy this at any rate.**

**WARNING: Slash. Well, not too much, more of Michael's thoughts rather than actions...kind of. Set during Season One. Anyway, enough of my ramblings the pairings are: **

**Michael/Max with mentions of Max/Liz Max/Tessa and Michael/Maria**

**This is a two shot - next chapter will be Max's POV.**

**Part One**

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I lie awake and listen to you sleep. I wonder if you ever realise what I do. A part of me hopes you do but the other, much larger part, wishes that you never find out. It would be harder too, I think, if you knew. I turn on my side in the sleeping bag. It smells like you. I bury my nose in it and inhale. You smell like grass and Tabasco hot sauce. I grin into the fabric softly at that. I close my eyes and imagine you covering your food with the sauce, even more so than what I would use, and I smile every-time. I hide it though, especially when we're at the CrashDown.

The CrashDown. That reminds me of Liz. Your precious love. It hurts to think about that but I can't stop but think about all the times you've been with her. I remember when you saved her life. I didn't want you to because I knew how you felt but you did so anyway. I let you believe it was out of fear of everyone finding out what we are. Maybe part of it was in a way, but it was not what first came to mind. It didn't matter anyway in the end, you told her our secret. I know i'm acting selfish, but it was something that we shared together, not including Isabel. I honestly thought that she would spill our secret; she only told Maria and Alex.

Slipping out of the thin sleeping bag, I sit up. I look at you again but your head it turned away. I don't move. You confuse me sometime, do you know? That's one of the things I like about you even when it frustrates me to no end. You're the only person to ever make me feel the way I do. It both scares and excites me. I wonder if it's wrong to feel this way, but in the end I find that I don't care.

I rub a hand over my face tiredly, but know I won't be granted anymore sleep. You allow me to stay here whenever I have a fight with Hank or because I just wanted to talk. Sometimes you don't even ask but just let me in before you go back to sleep. It is times like these that I think about what could be. I know I shouldn't but I do anyway even if it creates more heartache. You're worth it. I should stop coming and you should stop letting me in to stay. I know i'll be too tempted one day and give in to kiss you while you sleep.

You say that I let my emotions control me, but I think it's the other way around. I may be more reckless but you allow your feelings to get in the way. A bitter smile finds it's way onto my face as I think back. You allow your feelings, your _love _for Liz has compromised everything. You really love her and that hurts me more than I wish to admit. She loves you too. I can see it whenever she looks at you. I hate the thought. There's nothing I can do, is there? Too much has happened now I fear. You and Liz, myself and Maria. There's something.

Maria, my girlfriend you could say. My stomach drops slightly at the thought of her. She's different and unpredictable, not like you. I like her, but I don't love her. Definitely not as much as I love you. I can still see your face even now when I told you about Maria and I. I hope I really did see the jealousy that flared up in your eyes. I enjoyed telling you what we did together just to see that again. I don't anymore, though. I thought that I saw hurt in those times and I didn't like it.

I don't register getting up and moving to the side of your bed. I only realise what I have done when I kneel down at the head of your bed. You are truly beautiful when you're asleep. I won't call you handsome because you're so much more than that. I don't mean in the conventional way either. I sound sappy now and I blame it on my lack of sleep. I'm glad that you cannot read my mind, for if you do I doubt you'd ever speak to me again. I believe that you would be disgusted with me. I can't stand the thought of that. It's too late now, though, you'll realise soon enough. I think Isabel has, but she won't tell. It doesn't seem to bother her anyway.

I hurt you when I went to Maria instead of you the night I left Hank's.I had to get away and you were with Isabel. She would act like an over-protective mom. I didn't even realise where I had gone to until I saw her in the window. When she held me as I fell asleep, I pretended that it was you. It was always you. It will always be you. I can never be rid of you. I must be masochistic.

You appear to be oblivious to my feelings and I think that is for the best. If I have to see you and Liz together...but it makes you happy. Or it did until Tessa came along. Not only did Liz's heart break the day that you kissed her. Mine did slightly too. It shouldn't have. You weren't mine in the first place, but it did anyway.

You breathe evenly and your chest rises and falls slowly under the covers. I stand back up and lean over you. My hands are on either side of your face now. your head moves slightly with the weight and you are now facing me. My heart skips slightly. It always does now when i'm with you. I move closer to you and feel your breath on my mouth. I hold my own. I didn't want you to wake. I bend my arms so that our mouths are nearly touching. I torture myself with this. The temptation. I've finally given in. You won't know what i'm about to do. You're asleep and I hope you don't wake. For if you do i'll find myself facing disgust and anger. You'll never hate me though, I know that much. You're too kind-hearted to feel that in my opinion.

I shrug away my worries and steel myself before I close the gap.

I touch your lips.

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**End of part one...Please review.**


	2. Ponderings and Actions Part Two Max

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I do not own Roswell or any of the characters. No matter how much I wish to...

I should really be continuing the chapters on my story that I _should _be writing about now but I had this stuck in my head. I hope you enjoy this at any rate.

WARNING: Slash. Well, not too much, more of Max's thoughts rather than actions up until the end of course.

Set during Season One.

Michael/Max with mentions of Max/Liz Max/Tessa and Michael/Maria

This is a two shot.

Part Two

I know what you're doing. I can feel your eyes on me as I lie here pretending to sleep. I hold back the urge to open my eyes and look at you. I keep my head turned away just in case. I don't want you to know that I am awake. I don't want to see that look in your eyes that you get sometimes when we're alone.

I think i've known for a while now, I just didn't want to see what was right in front of me. Maybe I don't want to lose our friendship over this or perhaps I don't want everything to change. I'm a coward, I know, and I accept that. You know how much I want to fit in, for all of us to fit in, and to be with you would set us apart from everyone else even more. I can see how you wouldn't care, but I do, and so does Isabel. She wants to fit in more than anything, I want my sister to be happy.

I wonder why you don't hate me right now. I often think of reasons as to why you come to me at night and I believe it's because you have no-where else to go. You proved me wrong, though. You went to Maria the night you left Hank's for the last time. I can't stop the feeling of jealousy and hurt when I think about it, but then I realise that I was there with Isabel when we confronted the two of you. I keep that thought in mind whenever I remember. Why do you go out with Maria? You told me you don't hold any feeling in regard of love to her. Attraction yes, but do you see yourself spending all your time with her? I hope you don't. Then again, I am a hypocrite.

I'm going out with Liz, a wonderful girl who I have loved ever since I had met her. Love. A complex feeling that could be tagged to different things. I love her. A different kind, though, to you. You make my heart jump, make me want to do and say things that I would never have thought of doing for Liz. I want to make her happy, even at the expense of my own. That's not fair to either of us, you would argue. I can imagine you saying it while you shake me. It's true. I feel content with her, I feel safer than I would have felt if we date.

Your moving now, sitting up. I let my mind take hold as I listen to you move around. I feel like I've cheated you somehow, but I don't know what. You steal away my attention. It nearly got me into trouble more than once with Liz. Didn't you realise? You would say something funny and I would stare at you, eyes glazed apparently. Your actions, though, they make me feel things for you that no-one has ever pulled from me in my life. When you speak about her, I know you care, it hurts. What I have done to you is much worse. You stopped after a while, maybe you saw how I felt? Most likely, you are oddly perceptive, annoyingly so. Endearing to, in a way. I'll never tell you that, it would go to your head.

Our next problem was Tessa. I kissed her. I didn't realise until after I did it when she pulled back away from me. In front of Liz to unfortunately. When you found out, though, that was the hardest. You looked broken. Right then I finally realised what was blindly obvious, what Isabel was hinting non too subtly at, you were in love with me. Still are for reasons I cannot possibly fathom. I _hurt _you, I continue to do so over and over again. Yet you still show love that I don't deserve. It's nothing like Liz's. What we share is nothing to what you and I could have. It's shocking what I found out does to a guy. Every time I kiss Liz, I imagine kissing you. I have to remind myself that I was with her. Harder than it sounds, believe me.

All thought freezes when you move towards me suddenly and I have to focus on my breathing again. You're making me aware of your pressence, painfully so. I hear the floorboards creak slightly under your bare feet. I'm suddenly itchy and it takes all of my will power not to move. I feel like a rabbit cornered by a fox. A disturbing picture I create but I can almost see your fond smile. I check myself quickly to make sure my eyes are sill closed. My breathing is slow and even. I should consider acting.

I hear you stand and I fight down the sudden notion of reaching up and pulling you back down so we could be close again. Disappointment swells up inside me at your actions. I was waiting for you to do something. I don't think I want to know what it was, I would panic probably and scare you away. Would you think I would hate you, though? I could never hate you. Never think for a second that I would, it's a silly thought.

The sudden dip on either side of my head startles me and I cannot help but turn to face you even with my eyes close. An automatic reaction. I now know what I want you to do. You are so close to me. I try to remember if you had done anything like this before. I'm a light sleeper, though. I am quite sure you haven't. You must know that if you did anything that it would cause me to wake. I don't think you care at this point though. I can feel our breaths mingling and I have to admit, if only for a second, that I was tempted to tilt my head and lean up to kiss you. I bury the feeling to act straight away. You do the complete opposite, much to my surprise. My skin actually tingles and you move even closer and I know what you are about to do.

I feel you press your lips to mine gently. Barely a touch before you pull back. I was about to move when I felt them on mine again, harder this time. I stay still for a moment, wondering what I should do.

Before I could act on anything I hear you sigh against my mouth. That was what made my decision. I open my eyes and lock them on your dark ones. I see your shock before it turns to guilt and slight fear of what I would do. You move to pull away but I surprise both you and myself.

I kiss you back.

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**The end. Now I can focus on my other stories. Hope you enjoyed it.**


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